Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
