Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
