Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Say something about gay babies.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
