At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
