Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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