just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
