Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
