halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
