I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
