8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
