Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
