Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
