Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
