So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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