i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
