wrigley field is MILF paradise
Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Randomize
