Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
