Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
