he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
