just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
