when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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