Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
