Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
