so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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