I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
