She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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