i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
