I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
