FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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