Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Houston, we have a squirter
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
