Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
