my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
