oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
