Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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