Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
