she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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