Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
