We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
