she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
