i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
