Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I know her cup size but not her name....
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