omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
