Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
