apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
