I'm jealous of your bromance
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
