my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
