I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
