so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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