Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
