I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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