She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My balls are so social today.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
