I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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